One of the goals I have is to be able have a more flexible work lifestyle, with my own business. This is a goal because I want to spend more time with my family during the day.
Children are so persistent. My son included. Daily, he will ask me if next year, when he is in third grade if he could please PLEASE take the "yellow" bus home instead of the after-care bus that picks him up from school in the afternoons. My current work schedule does not allow for that unfortunately because: I work for someone else.
Many of us are in this same situation. But my sons daily reminder is a much needed push for me to GET IT IN GEAR and really start working on my business ideas. This blog is beginning to evolve. I started it with my best intentions, to serve as a possible forum for people to help each other out in their quest in entrepreneurship or any other major lifestyle change. All for free. I did not add "ads" or links to affiliates. Just plain help because frankly, maybe even selfishly I need it most of all.
I have received very light traffic and zero comments, which is ok. The light traffic gives me the boost I need to at least know that some are taking the time to at least glance at what I have to say.
Truth is I am stuck. Stuck on how to proceed and when I say "stuck" I really mean afraid. My son is my touchstone. His daily reminders tell me to keep going, to not give up. What I want IS possible and I am being cheered on with my son's unjaded optimism. He won't take no for an answer. Smart kid. I am hoping it rubs off :-).
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Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Mentors That Fail You... and Why That's OK
Full disclosure. I am by nature an introvert so it is not in my style to actively seek out mentors. Having worked for financial services firms for the majority of my adult life, I have lucked into some pretty positive relationships in the form of mentors.
I defined these individuals as mentors because they were people I admired, who had been successful in their careers and their appreciation for my work was very seductive. I felt special. Totally flattering to have your heroes compliment you and want to help you be more successful. Until they fail you.
One of my recent former mentors embodied what I considered to be truly successful. She was smart and funny, down-to-earth and spoke her mind. She was firm without ever having to resort to what I consider to be the ultimate weakness for a woman- being the "bitch". She helped me get promoted with promises of continued support. She would always say that we would get together to "have a drink" the next time she was in town. Months would go buy and I would not hear from her. Then I learned that she had been in my town for weeks if not months working on a project. She never tried to contact me. Huh? I didn't get it. Did I do something? Did I not do something? What happened to the hero that literally said she loved me? A small voice in the back of my mind whispered doubts about her sincerity. But still, I continued to seek out her advice as she said she would provide until the response times got longer and longer. This mentor's career grew at an accelerated pace and I sent her effusive notes of congratulation with each milestone because I truly meant it.
Then a golden opportunity for us to connect came. She would be in my town, we would be in the same meeting and she said she could not wait to see me. Granted it was a very large meeting with lots of attendees but I had seen her at a distance earlier in the day and noted that she had on a bright yellow jacket. Surely I would find her in the crowd. I made the usual rounds to the groups of three or four people standing around and chatting. I scanned the crowd the entire time. Friends asked me if I knew she was here and I said yes of course. After about 45 minutes, I realized in the din of small talk that she was not looking for me, that she was not eagerly seeking me out as I was her. It was then that I let her go as a mentor, as a friend and completely without bitterness. She helped me in so many ways and what I failed to realize was that I was able to be successful without her. My career continued to grow- even without her support.
Some mentors can be so for life. Others are stepping stones along the path that you define for yourself. Never let one keep you from your journey. All you have to do is look back and see how far you have come already. The fact that there is not someone there to prop you up is a good because it makes you realize that you have the strength to get to where you need to be all on your own.
I defined these individuals as mentors because they were people I admired, who had been successful in their careers and their appreciation for my work was very seductive. I felt special. Totally flattering to have your heroes compliment you and want to help you be more successful. Until they fail you.
One of my recent former mentors embodied what I considered to be truly successful. She was smart and funny, down-to-earth and spoke her mind. She was firm without ever having to resort to what I consider to be the ultimate weakness for a woman- being the "bitch". She helped me get promoted with promises of continued support. She would always say that we would get together to "have a drink" the next time she was in town. Months would go buy and I would not hear from her. Then I learned that she had been in my town for weeks if not months working on a project. She never tried to contact me. Huh? I didn't get it. Did I do something? Did I not do something? What happened to the hero that literally said she loved me? A small voice in the back of my mind whispered doubts about her sincerity. But still, I continued to seek out her advice as she said she would provide until the response times got longer and longer. This mentor's career grew at an accelerated pace and I sent her effusive notes of congratulation with each milestone because I truly meant it.
Then a golden opportunity for us to connect came. She would be in my town, we would be in the same meeting and she said she could not wait to see me. Granted it was a very large meeting with lots of attendees but I had seen her at a distance earlier in the day and noted that she had on a bright yellow jacket. Surely I would find her in the crowd. I made the usual rounds to the groups of three or four people standing around and chatting. I scanned the crowd the entire time. Friends asked me if I knew she was here and I said yes of course. After about 45 minutes, I realized in the din of small talk that she was not looking for me, that she was not eagerly seeking me out as I was her. It was then that I let her go as a mentor, as a friend and completely without bitterness. She helped me in so many ways and what I failed to realize was that I was able to be successful without her. My career continued to grow- even without her support.
Some mentors can be so for life. Others are stepping stones along the path that you define for yourself. Never let one keep you from your journey. All you have to do is look back and see how far you have come already. The fact that there is not someone there to prop you up is a good because it makes you realize that you have the strength to get to where you need to be all on your own.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Making Mistakes. My Personal Take.
So I made a really, really huge mistake recently. I engaged in behavior that did not honor myself or the people I hurt with my words. I reacted instead of thinking things through in their entirety. In my rush to be "right", I wrote a horrible, scathing email to people in my life who some say deserved it.
They did not deserve it. No one deserves to be insulted, to be belittled which, I am ashamed to say is exactly what I did in my letter. In my overly self righteous mind, I believed that I was calling them out on their bad behavior. Instead, I was shining a light on my own.
Hard stuff to swallow. Yes, I made a mistake. Yes, I later apologized. But the hard lesson for me was realizing that there is nastiness lurking inside of me that needed to be acknowledged, to be exposed. By making this humiliating mistake, I was exposed to an area of myself that needs work, where I have been messing up. It also woke me up to where I was supposed to go (as opposed to dwell). It's as if I was on a path and my ego poked and prodded me and since I was not paying attention, it pushed me really hard to do things I normally don't do. It made me take responsibility for my behavior. Being right is meaningless if your ethics, morals, soul are compromised.
My embarrassment over my transgression is slowly giving way to a freer version of myself. Maybe more authentic. I am human after all. Perhaps the greatest realization is to know that we are supposed to keep on loving ourselves, bumps and all. Above all, I am learning to forgive myself. Without the forgiveness, I can't move forward............and I am SO totally worth forgiving. And so are we all.
They did not deserve it. No one deserves to be insulted, to be belittled which, I am ashamed to say is exactly what I did in my letter. In my overly self righteous mind, I believed that I was calling them out on their bad behavior. Instead, I was shining a light on my own.
Hard stuff to swallow. Yes, I made a mistake. Yes, I later apologized. But the hard lesson for me was realizing that there is nastiness lurking inside of me that needed to be acknowledged, to be exposed. By making this humiliating mistake, I was exposed to an area of myself that needs work, where I have been messing up. It also woke me up to where I was supposed to go (as opposed to dwell). It's as if I was on a path and my ego poked and prodded me and since I was not paying attention, it pushed me really hard to do things I normally don't do. It made me take responsibility for my behavior. Being right is meaningless if your ethics, morals, soul are compromised.
My embarrassment over my transgression is slowly giving way to a freer version of myself. Maybe more authentic. I am human after all. Perhaps the greatest realization is to know that we are supposed to keep on loving ourselves, bumps and all. Above all, I am learning to forgive myself. Without the forgiveness, I can't move forward............and I am SO totally worth forgiving. And so are we all.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Confession and a Pretty Song
I must admit that I have been struggling a bit with my challenge to completely avoid gossip or facebook. It's such a hard habit for me to break! Restlessness drives me there when I tire of reading you know, stuff that is actually good for me or thought provoking. Even it's only a quick glance, I feel guilty because I know these activities stall me. It's easier to drift along the nonsense then to commit to what I know is good for me. Hope your challenge is going better. Even if I slip, I am proud to at least recognize it and not hold it against myself.
That said, I came across this really pretty song by Alexi Murdoch. I am half Scottish so I am always drawn to the slightest hint of a brogue. Hope you enjoy his video.
Much love,
Christian
That said, I came across this really pretty song by Alexi Murdoch. I am half Scottish so I am always drawn to the slightest hint of a brogue. Hope you enjoy his video.
Much love,
Christian
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Free Advice... Really!
Part of what I am good at doing is helping people think of things they may not have otherwise. I help them look outside themselves, outside of their current way of thinking. I have been doing this for years and it's the the aspect of my work that I really enjoy.
Now, I do not profess to know all of the answers but I am good at helping people make helpful connections. So, as an experiment, I am going to offer as much free help as I possibly can using both this blog and twitter. Then, in return, I'd like the people I help to pass it on in some way. I think instinctively most of us would do that anyway. Think of a time someone helped you, how much lighter it made you feel? What about when you helped someone else in a meaningful way? It felt good didn't it?
I know there are a million forums out there but on my blog you don't have to sign up or register for anything. Just come as you are. I will NOT share your information unless you give me permission to do so. Even if you have a silly blog name like mine.
What do you need help with?
Career or starting your own business?
Deciding on whether or not to pursue or finish a degree?
Should you move to a new state?
Blended families (need I say more?)
Cooking recipe ideas?
Mortgage/second mortgage issues?
Children?
What else? What else are you looking for help with? Let me know!
I am happy to help as much as I can. And then, we can leverage each other for help!
Much love,
Christian
Now, I do not profess to know all of the answers but I am good at helping people make helpful connections. So, as an experiment, I am going to offer as much free help as I possibly can using both this blog and twitter. Then, in return, I'd like the people I help to pass it on in some way. I think instinctively most of us would do that anyway. Think of a time someone helped you, how much lighter it made you feel? What about when you helped someone else in a meaningful way? It felt good didn't it?
I know there are a million forums out there but on my blog you don't have to sign up or register for anything. Just come as you are. I will NOT share your information unless you give me permission to do so. Even if you have a silly blog name like mine.
What do you need help with?
Career or starting your own business?
Deciding on whether or not to pursue or finish a degree?
Should you move to a new state?
Blended families (need I say more?)
Cooking recipe ideas?
Mortgage/second mortgage issues?
Children?
What else? What else are you looking for help with? Let me know!
I am happy to help as much as I can. And then, we can leverage each other for help!
Much love,
Christian
Top Ten Things I am Grateful and Thankful For
With Thanksgiving upon us, I thought it best to share my list:
I would love to see yours!
Much love,
Christian
| Top Ten Grateful/Thankful | |||
| 1. My children, asleep peacefully in their beds | |||
| 2. Love of a good man (my husband) | |||
| 3. My sense of wonder and sense of higher purpose for each of us | |||
| 4. My tribe. Thank you for your daily inspiration. | |||
| 5. Cooking in my kitchen (my religion) | |||
| 6. Hum of the dishwasher, washing machine and/or dryer. Keeping my family clean and cared for. | |||
| 7. An article, a book, a piece of art, the trees swaying in the breeze. All Divine. | |||
| 8. Coffee and chocolate | |||
| 9. Mountain top view of Blue Ridge mountains. Magical. | |||
| 10. Pretty things. | |||
I would love to see yours!
Much love,
Christian
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